Montag, 28. Januar 2008

BDSM mit Gott

Vor ein paar Nächten traf ich eine Stripperin mit einem Three Stooges Tattoo in einer Bar namens Tigress [Tigerin, grausame Frau]. Sie gab einer meiner Begleiterinnen eine saftige Ohrfeige, während sie einen heftigen Lap Dance für sie vorführte. Sie bedrohte meine Eier mit Plateauschuhen, an deren Fersen Spikes befestigt waren. Sie zischte mir ins Gesicht, das sie auf BDSM steht. Sie sagte, dass sie riesige Angelhaken an ihrem Rücken hätte, an denen sie ihren blutenden Körper von der Decke hängen lassen würde, bis ihre Schreie von den Ziegelsteinwänden des Verlieses widerhallen würden. Sie sagte, dass ihre Schamlippen mit 5-Zoll-Nadeln durchstochen wurden. Sie sagte, dass sie jahrelang für Lloyd Kaufman von Troma gearbeitet hätte. Ich habe gehört, wie das sein soll. Die Lady konnte eine Menge Schmerz aushalten.

Edgeplay (BDSM) [im Original wird der Begriff "Edgeplay" benutzt, für den es bisher keine deutsche Entsprechung gibt]. Das ist mal ein Begriff, den ich noch nicht kannte. An die Grenze gehen. Eine Verletzung oder sogar den Tod riskieren für etwas Nervenkitzel, eine Stimulation, einen Orgasmus, der schließlich all den Lügen gerecht wird, die man dir über Orgasmen erzählt, eine glühend heiße Explosion nackter Nervenenden, welche für immer die gesamte Dunkelheit im Zentrum deines Herzens ausradiert ...

Schau mal - wir alle tun, was wir tun, um einen Weg in dieser verrückten alten Welt zu finden, um das zu befriedigen, von dem wir glauben, dass es befriedigt werden müsste, und um etwas Geld zu verdienen. Es ist nicht meine Sache, ein Urteil darüber zu fällen, wie sie meint, ihr Leben führen zu müssen. Ich bin froh, dass es Leute wie sie gibt. Es sorgt dafür, dass die Dinge interessant bleiben.

Aber du willst SM? Ich habe SM für dich.

Zazen ist SM mit deiner unsterblichen Seele. Zazen ist SM mit Gott.

Die Atheisten waren vor ein paar Wochen völlig aus dem Häuschen, als ich meinte, dass sie gar nicht wüssten worüber sie reden. Was weißt du über Atheismus? Du sitzt bewegungslos da sogar ohne eine Domina, die dich quält und dich dadurch von dem ablenkt, was wirklich ist. Du verbringst einige Jahre genau an dieser Stelle, von Angesicht zu Angesicht mit dir selbst. Dann kannst du zurückkommen und mit mir darüber reden, ob Gott existiert oder nicht. Und bis zu dem Tag hast du dir nicht das Recht verdient, mir irgendeinen Scheiß über Gott zu erzählen. Also verpiss dich mit all deinen ach so wohlüberlegten Worten und Worten und Worten und Worten. Atheisten labern Scheiße.

Es gibt keinen Gott, und Er ist dein Schöpfer.

Wenn du deine Meditation sanft und süß willst, mit einer angenehmen, beruhigenden Stimme, um dich da durch zu bringen, dann bleib weg von Zen. Aber wenn du Lust auf richtiges SM hast, dann komm mal einen Samstagmorgen bei mir vorbei und ich zeig dir, wie’s geht.

Aber pass auf. Diese Art von SM taucht nicht Zähne fletschend und mit Lust auf Blut auf. Niemand schreit dich an, niemand schlägt dich mit einem Stock, es wird dir sogar niemand sagen, wenn du alles falsch machst. Es ist sehr gemütlich hier, sehr freundlich und einladend. Überall Lächeln. Wir setzen sogar etwas Tee für dich auf und erzählen dir abgelutschte Witze. Nicht nötig sich aufzuspielen. Das ist, weil wir wissen, wer die strengste Herrin von allen ist. Wir werden nicht mal versuchen, es mit der Bestrafung, die sie verteilen kann, aufzunehmen. Das Äußerste, was wir tun können, ist, dich in ihre Richtung zu schicken und dich entscheiden zu lassen, ob du lieber winselnd mit eingezogenem Schwanz davonlaufen willst.

Die meisten Leute haben nicht den Mumm, den man braucht, um sich selbst gegenüberzustehen. Das ist keine Urteilsverkündung. Das ist eine Tatsache des Lebens. Wir konfrontieren uns lieber mit allem anderen, nur um den Schrecken zu vermeiden, unserem eigenen Herzen und Geist gegenüberzutreten. Lederfesseln und Peitschen kommen nicht mal annähernd dran. Die grundlegende Natur deines eigenen Wesens? Das ist furchterregend. Das kann dich ziemlich schnell klein kriegen. Dich in Scheiben schneiden und dabei nicht einmal ins Schwitzen geraten.

Ich war nie an irgendeiner Art von Meditation interessiert, die nicht SM war. Ich hatte nie viel Geduld mit Leuten, die mich durch irgendeinen speziellen Ablauf führen wollten. "Stell dir vor, wie das weiße Licht des Kosmos deinen Körper umhüllt ..." Scheiß drauf. Behalt deine Bilder und Geschichten. Jeder religiöse Irre, den ich getroffen habe - und ich habe so einige getroffen - hatte Bilder und Geschichten, die er in meinen Kopf stopfen , und mir beibringen wollte, wie ich diese auf Befehl wieder hochwürgen konnte. Als ob Gott sich dafür interessieren würde, ob ich ihre blöden Märchen vortragen konnte, wenn es verlangt wurde. Sie konnten sich ihre Geschichten sonst wohin stecken. Ich wollte alles wegschaufeln, was ich nicht brauchte, und zum innersten, glühenden Kern zu kommen. Der einzige Weg, alles abzustreifen, ist alles abzustreifen.

Der Zen-Weg ist quälend langsam. Wenn sie dich mit Haken in deinem Rücken aufhängen, dann nehmen sie dich wenigstens nach einigen Minuten wieder runter. Wir (aber) lassen dich einfach verknotet wie eine Brezel für mehrere Tage oder Wochen da sitzen. Es wird eine verdammte Ewigkeit dauern, bevor du überhaupt eine Ahnung hast, warum du deine ganze Zeit damit verschwendest, Wände anzustarren. Patentlösungen sind für hyperaktive Vollidioten. Wenn du eine schnelle Lösung suchst, dann sieh' zu, dass dir die Tür auf dem Weg nach draußen nicht auf den Arsch knallt.

Aber das furchterregende Zeug ist nur eine Seite der Medaille. Wir alle fürchten uns vor der Realität. Wir alle. Ich auch. Aber die Wahrheit über die Wirklichkeit ist, dass sie niemals so schlimm ist, wie wir sie uns vorstellen. Ich vermute, dass es das ist, was Leute wie meine Stripper-Bekannte beim BDSM entdecken. Wenn du tatsächlich direkt mit den Dingen konfrontiert wirst, die dir Angst einjagen, stellst du normalerweise fest, dass das, was du für Satan gehalten hast, der gekommen war, um dich im Feuer der Verdammnis zu verbrennen, in Wirklichkeit nur Gene Simmons ist, ein netter alter Hebräer mit einem schrägen Make-up.

Die Realität ist immer der beste Ort, an dem man sein kann. Die Wahrheit ist immer die beste Sache, die es zu sehen gibt. Es gibt nie auch nur eine Ausnahme. Du kannst sowieso nicht weglaufen. Also warum überhaupt deine Energie vergeuden, um es zu versuchen?Und Gott? Gott ist nicht eine Million Trillionen Meilen weit weg auf seinem Diamantenthron irgendwo im Weltraum. Gott ist der Wind auf deinem Gesicht. Gott ist der Himmel als dein Spiegelbild. Gott ist das in deinem Kopf verborgene Etwas, von dem du immer dachtest, dass du das wärst. Es ist nicht Du. Es gibt kein Du. Dieses Ding, von dem du glaubst, dass du es bist, gehört eigentlich zum Universum. Und eines Tages wird das Universum es zurücknehmen. An diesem Tag wird es sein, als ob es dich niemals gegeben hätte. Weil es dich überhaupt niemals gab. Aber das Universum wird ewig fortbestehen. Und ebenso dieses Etwas, das du immer für dich selbst hieltest. Und ebenso Gott. Punkt aus.

Frau BDSM-Stripper drehte die Nippel meiner Bekannten und flüsterte ihr zu, wie feucht sie würde. Als ob ich das nicht hören könnte. Sie rammelte ihr Bein wie eine läufige Hündin. Gott war da überhaupt nicht weit weg. Wenn ich jemals Zweifel an ihrer Gegenwart hatte, zeigte Sie sie mir, indem Sie meinen Schwanz packte, und sagte mir, wie sehr Sie ihn in sich spüren wollte.

Es gibt keinen Gott, und sie tanzt für Trinkgeld im Tigress.

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